so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
