moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
