sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
