Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Enjoy the penises
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
