I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
