The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
