I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You have to summon your inner elephant
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
