ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
