he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
