Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
