I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
