There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
