I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
