I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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