We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
