She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
