i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
