My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
