i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
