how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
