I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
