did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
