you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
