her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
