So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
