how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
