I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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