I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
