I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
