U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
