I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
