If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You need a sexual gate keeper
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
