if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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