Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
