I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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