so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
