update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I want a musical about memes.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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