I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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