remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
