Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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