You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
