Your tits are I can't wait for
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
