I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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