Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
