god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
someone owes me an orgasm
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
