What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
