If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
