U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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