A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
