That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
